Catching up

It’s Springtime! So much has happened since I last posted. Let me rephrase that: My life has changed and will never be the same since I last posted!

I went from this:

to this:

and just like that our small world of just the two of us transformed into our own little family and our own slice of heaven. She is delicious, isn’t she?

Pictures

My little sister took some pictures of us on Sunday night. I love them. I love the booties. I love my bump. I love that handsome man. I don’t love my roots so much but what can you do?

White noise

My amazing sister just left after running around the house with a dust cloth and broom. She transforms the house in 20 minutes flat. That’s why she’s my TOP choice of family members to help me out when I’m on bed rest. Poor girl. But it feels so freaking good to have the kitchen floor clean…Thank you Sis!

Now my peppermint candle is burning on the freshly waxed coffee table. I have “Extreme Rain Pouring” coming loudly out of an app on my iPhone. I turn it on when I don’t want to be accosted by the constant drone of the TV but want something to soften the silence. If I didn’t have the sound of electronic rain in my ear I would be forced to listen to the “lick lick LICK” of my cat as he preened himself. Again. I don’t know what it is but noises such as this have become increasingly annoying  to me. God forbid his nasaly snoring or my dog’s constant barking at the door.

Bed rest has taught me a lot of things, the most recent being that I can be way too easily annoyed by my surroundings. Sure it could be my hormones but I shouldn’t allow that to be an excuse for my skin crawling in this ridiculous situation. It’s pretty bad when the most irritating thing I can think of is a cat’s snoring. I mean, has my world really gotten this small? I remember when I would get irritated at real things, or at least what I thought were real things and worthy of irritation. I need to demand more of myself.

Christmas Eve!

Christmas Eve! I can hardly believe it. It’s been a whirlwind but here we are, happy at HOME and not in the hospital like we very well could be. Hubby is whistling around the kitchen making Christmas eve brunch for my huge family and Christmas music is playing behind me. “What child is this, who laid to rest, on Mary’s lap is sleeping…” So peaceful.

I’m laying here relaxed on the couch as comfy as a bug. For a while when stuff was happening around me I would want to get up to help, I felt unhelpful and BAD to just be sitting doing nothing. But I’m getting used to that feeling and it’s quickly turning into something more productive than guilt. I’m realizing that what I’m doing IS helpful. I’m not just a big waste of space, I’m actually doing something super important. I’m sacrificing my independence daily to provide a safe and comfortable environment for our baby to grow for as long as possible. My lack of busyness is making our baby strong and healthy. Nothing could be more important and productive than that.

So, I will sit here taking up most of the couch and have my family sit all around me. I will let them serve me sausage and eggs and will ask for things when I need them, like more orange juice and salt and pepper. They will clean up after breakfast and I will have not lifted a finger when they hug us and leave. This is new and weird but I’m getting used to it.

Death of a control freak

I give up. I’m on bed rest, there is only so much I can do, (nothing actually) and I can’t be in control of every little thing around the house anymore. Before bed rest I was a list maker and nothing would go undone. I was a tornado really. Well… I fully intend to resurrect that part of my personality just as soon as I am able. For now though, I have no choice but to sit back and let things happen (or not happen) around me.

For Christmas this year B is stepping up and doing EVERYTHING. He’s pretty amazing. We are hosting part of his family for Christmas dinner tonight, my family tomorrow and his dad on Christmas day. We considered cancelling our Holiday plans after I was prescribed bed rest but then we realized how depressing and sad it would be to not have Christmas with family!! So yes, it’s going to be a total whirlwind of chaos but I am going to be watching it all calmly, (yeah right) and comfortably reclined on the sofa.

I hope your Holiday is happy!

Hiccups

When you are worried that your baby may come into the world (way) too early, every milestone is a reason for jubilation. I check my BabyBump App on my iPhone every day to watch the weeks and days add up. We are now 26 weeks 5 days. Saturday is my favorite day of the week because it’s when all the little days turn into one big fat week. This Saturday we will be 27 weeks!!!

My mom’s prayer for us as I lay on the hospital bed was that one day we would feel the baby hiccuping, (during pregnancy of course.) Hiccups was a far cry from where we were in pre-term labor that night, and a tall order. But guess what? Last night when I got back into bed from my umpteenth visit to the bathroom I felt something. At first I thought it was more (but smaller) kicks, (this baby never stops moving) but then I realized that there was a rhythmic (and so freaking sweet!!!!) beat to these kicks, and they were light like air.

HICCUPS!!!!

My heart swelled like a mother who’s child just took her first step. My baby is growing safe and warm inside me, this was more beautiful proof. So thankful.

People are my cup of tea

I never realized I would want so much company on bed rest. I literally wait for my visitors like a kid waiting for Christmas. I CRAVE personal contact and another live human being in front of me.

My Mother and sister both spent a lot of time (months) in bed after accidents. I went to their houses as much as I thought I was needed, but now I realize it wasn’t nearly enough. Mom and sis (and anyone else for that matter) if you are on bed rest I will be over in a jif. I will sit on the side of your bed and talk to you about what’s going on on the outside. Now I know that even traffic is a worthy (and interesting) topic. I will move things you can’t move and are only able to stare at all day like a UPS box or a heavy vase.

Bed rest is the loneliest place I have ever been, but people make it easier.

The beginning of bed rest

I did absolutely nothing out of the ordinary the day I went into pre-term labor. It was Sunday the 11th of December. We went to church as usual and then Maya for brunch, (a fabulously delicious little place up the street from us.) After we ate I studied for my upcoming exam and thought about all the stuff I had to do for Christmas and a slew of Holiday events. It’s kind of comical now, considering all the stuff I was preoccupied with is exactly what I can’t lift a finger to accomplish, (and frankly couldn’t care less about.)

At around 8PM I started feeling a freakish pressure on my pelvis. At 33 years old, I know what “normal” feels like and this was way out of that range. Scary. My body was most certainly warning me of something. Then I started feeling a “tightening” of my abdomen, where all the muscles would tense up and release after about 20 seconds.

I called my doctor. Best thing I have done ever. The scariest thing to realize now is that I could have ignored these feelings and gone to sleep. Seriously. They were so mild and painless that I could have slept through them. If I had just gone to sleep I’m not sure where I would be in the morning. Probably not happily sitting here with my baby warm inside.

Of course my doctor told us to come in. I was like, “really?” Brenden was like, “really?” We both assumed the doctor would tell us it was nothing and to relax and get some sleep. We got dressed and headed out the door at midnight for the hospital. Even driving to the hospital I still wasn’t anxious or worried. I have been the instigator of many needless visits to the doctor (pre-pregnancy) and I assumed this was yet another case of my over active brain.

They hooked me up to a contraction monitor and immediately contractions showed up. And a lot of them in a very short time. I got two shots of Terbutaline to try to stop the contractions, one worked for about 15 minutes and the other for much less time. It was terrifying to know they had just administered the medicine and that my contractions were already back up on the screen. I will never forget the feeling of dread as each one built and rolled over me. Every sensation was there to torture me and menacingly threaten our baby’s future and health.

PRAYER.

I have never prayed this hard and forcefully. My heart did the praying, my soul screamed to God in a way I didn’t know possible. It was a special level of supplication and humility that I think is reserved for the most heartbroken and terrified of us.

They rushed me in an ambulance to UVA because “they have a NICU that is more capable of dealing with a 25 weeker.” My baby. More tears. But the days went by as I lay on the hospital bed and she remained safe and happy inside.

We were released Thursday night with strict orders: One 10 minute shower a day, no cooking cleaning, doing anything really other than getting up to use the restroom. The wheelchair ride to the car that night is something I will never forget. It was cold and almost dark. I smelled air and freedom and I was still full of our happy healthy baby. I was thankful to God for answered prayers and I was prayerful to God for what was to come.

I breathe deeply and take every day at a time. No day is guaranteed to be pre-term labor free or contraction free. I need to relax and make my body the safest place for our baby possible. I don’t know the exact stat, but every day inside my womb is like a week in the nicu. I am her best incubator right now and if that means sitting on the couch for three months, I’d do it again and again.

Relishing

I’ve been afraid to look at my blog stats lately because when I see that people STILL come to my blog I feel a twinge of guilt. More like a pang, or a heavy blow actually. I haven’t been posting… at all. But my blog is not dead, no not really. It’s just hibernating, that’s how I’ll diagnose it. Many other things; yes even more important to me than writing, have taken my attention and my heart. I have been trying to finish the school semester STRONG despite my pregnancy brain, and that leads me to what I have really been focusing on since my last post:

This Baby.
Enjoying every minute of the short time I have left with JUST B and me.
Relishing. This experience is freaking amazing.

There is so much I want to share about my pregnancy and a ton I want to weigh in about with you moms out there, but I’m not sure if this is the platform for it. Maybe a baby blog is in order. I will add this to my list of things to do this winter before our twosome becomes a threesome. Until then, adiós!

Happy change of seasons to you!

I’m drinking a steaming cup of hot apple cider
with a big fat cinnamon stick in it. Mmmmm. It feels good on my itchy throat, and it’s delicious. It’s funny how certain things are SO seasonal. As soon as the air gets a little crisp and the leaves start their pretty show I want cider. And a bowl of hearty soup. And a candle burning around the clock. It’s obvious I’m really starting to enjoy Fall.

Yesterday was spectacular, the weather couldn’t have been more perfect. We went out to see my family in Afton, and let Remmy tear around with Corky (my mom’s dog) and the rest of the crew. This is the rest of the crew:

There is a goat, a sheep and two ponies. They move around the property in a pack, it’s really hilarious. If one horse lays down to roll in the grass, (picture the most clumsy scary act ever) the other is right behind him, rolling around as well. No one gets left out in this group.

I begged Brenden (and anyone who would listen) to take MORE pictures of me. I just really want my growing belly, (and face) to be well documented during this pregnancy. I never want to wish I had more pictures in the future, and I assure you, I won’t.

I guess a side shot would have better shown off my 15-week belly, but I’m still a rookie, I need some time to master the proper “pregnancy pose.”:) I can promise you, the belly is there!

My sister Elizabeth took this one. She is a very promising photographer and she is only 14. Who am I kidding, “only 14,” where did the time go??

and this one:

I don’t have a picture of Remmy from the farm this weekend but I’ll throw in a different one for good measure. He’s a mix between an otter and a groundhog, lol.

and this bunny is too cute.

I hope everyone enjoys these beautiful days of Fall! I’m off to refresh my cider.